The Onion • Readup

The Onion
- Report: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles
  The OnionThe Onion6/15/093 min
  17 reads11 comments
  8.6
  The Onion
  The Onion6/15/093 min
  17 reads
  11 comments
  8.6
- ‘The Onion’ Proudly Stands With The Media As The Enemy Of The People
  The OnionThe Onion8/2/184 min
  8 reads4 comments
  5.2
  The Onion
  The Onion8/2/184 min
  8 reads
  4 comments
  5.2
- Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement
  local.theonion.comThe Onion8/9/133 min
  4 reads2 comments
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  local.theonion.com
  The Onion8/9/133 min
  4 reads
  2 comments
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- Man To Sail Around World To Decrease Awareness Of Important Issues
  local.theonion.comThe Onion11/14/113 min
  3 reads1 comment
  7.5
  local.theonion.com
  The Onion11/14/113 min
  3 reads
  1 comment
  7.5
- Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'
  The OnionThe Onion1/17/015 min
  2 reads1 comment
  7.5
  The Onion
  The Onion1/17/015 min
  2 reads
  1 comment
  7.5
- Teens Flock To New App Where They Just Enter Own Personal Data Into Form
  The OnionThe Onion7/10/201 min
  5 reads1 comment
  10
  The Onion
  The Onion7/10/201 min
  5 reads
  1 comment
  10
- The Onion’s Guide To The 2020 Democratic Candidates
  politics.theonion.comThe Onion1/29/203 min
  3 reads0 comments
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  politics.theonion.com
  The Onion1/29/203 min
  3 reads
  0 comments
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- LeBron James Credits Teammates With Providing 4 Bodies Necessary To Avoid Forfeiture Against Pacers
  sports.theonion.comThe Onion4/30/183 min
  3 reads0 comments
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  sports.theonion.com
  The Onion4/30/183 min
  3 reads
  0 comments
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- ‘Without Them You Could Buy Anything,’ Whispers Amazon Echo As Man Stares Blankly At Family
  The OnionThe Onion9/28/175 min
  2 reads1 comment
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  The Onion
  The Onion9/28/175 min
  2 reads
  1 comment
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- Dumb Tourists In Paris Gawking At Splendor Of Greatest Architectural Feats In Human History
  The OnionThe Onion1/8/201 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion1/8/201 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Trent Reznor Ruins 31st Consecutive Holiday Season By Talking About How Christianity A Bunch Of Bullshit
  entertainment.theonion.comThe Onion12/25/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  entertainment.theonion.com
  The Onion12/25/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Sad ‘Rise Of Skywalker’ Fan Can’t Believe There Never Going To Be Another ‘Star Wars’ Movie
  entertainment.theonion.comThe Onion12/19/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  entertainment.theonion.com
  The Onion12/19/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Fans Line Up For ‘Rise of the Skywalker’
  The OnionThe Onion12/19/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion12/19/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Area Man Has Little Present For You
  local.theonion.comThe Onion12/17/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  local.theonion.com
  The Onion12/17/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Nation Finally Stands Far Enough Away From Jackson Pollock Painting To Realize It Realistic Still Life Of Frui
  The OnionThe Onion12/11/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion12/11/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- ‘Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’ Cast Members Clock Into Amazon Warehouse For Mandatory Black Friday Overtime Shift
  The OnionThe Onion11/29/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion11/29/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- New Exhibit At Dallas Visitor’s Center Focuses On Things That Went Right During JFK’s November 1963 Visit
  The OnionThe Onion11/1/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion11/1/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Christ Calls Off Plans For Return After Realizing It’s Been So Long It’ll Be Weird Now
  The OnionThe Onion8/12/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion8/12/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Defiant Evangelicals Branch Off Into New ‘First Molestist’ Sub-Denomination
  The OnionThe Onion6/13/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion6/13/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Local Teen Invents Masturbation
  local.theonion.comThe Onion4/25/191 min
  2 reads0 comments
  5.0
  local.theonion.com
  The Onion4/25/191 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
  5.0
- Holocaust Survivors Recall Exact Day Holocaust Started Right Out Of The Blue
  The OnionThe Onion11/27/181 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion11/27/181 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Mark Judge Can’t Believe That Fucking Lightweight Kavanaugh Got ‘Boofing’ And ‘The Devil’s Triangle’ Wrong
  politics.theonion.comThe Onion9/28/181 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  politics.theonion.com
  The Onion9/28/181 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- Americans Hopeful This Will Be Last Mass Shooting Before They Stop On Their Own For No Reason
  The OnionThe Onion10/2/175 min
  2 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion10/2/175 min
  2 reads
  0 comments
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- U.S. Quietly Slips Out Of Afghanistan In Dead Of Night
  The OnionThe Onion7/18/113 min
  1 read0 comments
  10
  The Onion
  The Onion7/18/113 min
  1 read
  0 comments
  10
- Top U.S. Health Experts: ‘Hold On To Your Fucking Seats Because This Bitch Hasn’t Even Thought About Starting
  The OnionThe Onion3/12/201 min
  4 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion3/12/201 min
  4 reads
  0 comments
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- Liberal Parents Struggling To Find School District With High-Quality Drag Queens
  local.theonion.comThe Onion9/13/191 min
  4 reads0 comments
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  local.theonion.com
  The Onion9/13/191 min
  4 reads
  0 comments
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- Report: There No Way To Suggest Girlfriend Look For Keys In Purse Again Without Sounding Condescending
  local.theonion.comThe Onion8/6/191 min
  3 reads0 comments
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  local.theonion.com
  The Onion8/6/191 min
  3 reads
  0 comments
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- David Brooks Decries Incivility Of Modern Plumbing After Tripping On Feet And Falling Headfirst Into Toilet
  The OnionThe Onion5/22/191 min
  3 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion5/22/191 min
  3 reads
  0 comments
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- Stephen Miller Enraged After Discovering Cantaloupe He’s Fucking From Mexico
  politics.theonion.comThe Onion8/7/181 min
  3 reads0 comments
  1.0
  politics.theonion.com
  The Onion8/7/181 min
  3 reads
  0 comments
  1.0
- Cozy Single Unit
  The OnionThe Onion4/30/241 min
  1 read1 comment
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  The Onion
  The Onion4/30/241 min
  1 read
  1 comment
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- Quaker Oats Replaces Historically Racist Aunt Jemima Mascot With Black Female Lawyer Who Enjoys Pancakes Somet
  The OnionThe Onion6/12/201 min
  1 read0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion6/12/201 min
  1 read
  0 comments
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- Trump Announces Plan To Retrain Nation’s 3 Million Unemployed Americans As Human Ventilators
  politics.theonion.comThe Onion3/27/201 min
  1 read0 comments
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  politics.theonion.com
  The Onion3/27/201 min
  1 read
  0 comments
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- Doctors Encourage More Women To Regularly Perform Breast Self-Exams To See If They Need Implants
  The OnionThe Onion3/27/201 min
  0 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion3/27/201 min
  0 reads
  0 comments
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- What’s In Congress’ Coronavirus Stimulus Bill
  politics.theonion.comThe Onion3/27/201 min
  1 read0 comments
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  politics.theonion.com
  The Onion3/27/201 min
  1 read
  0 comments
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- Americans Look For Ways To Help During Coronavirus Pandemic
  The OnionThe Onion3/27/201 min
  0 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion3/27/201 min
  0 reads
  0 comments
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- 20 Women Throughout History And 5 From The Future
  The OnionThe Onion3/27/203 min
  1 read0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion3/27/203 min
  1 read
  0 comments
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- Global Pandemic That Has Killed Thousands Giving Woman Just The Push She Needed To Organize Tupperware Cabinet
  local.theonion.comThe Onion3/27/201 min
  1 read0 comments
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  local.theonion.com
  The Onion3/27/201 min
  1 read
  0 comments
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- Department Of Interior Announces Birds Will Continue Going About Regular Bird Activities During Pandemic
  The OnionThe Onion3/27/201 min
  1 read0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion3/27/201 min
  1 read
  0 comments
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- Miss E3? Check Out Our Recreation With A Bunch Of Sweating, Overheated Gamers We Locked In Our Janitorial Clos
  Onion Gamers NetworkThe Onion3/27/201 min
  0 reads0 comments
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  Onion Gamers Network
  The Onion3/27/201 min
  0 reads
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- British Royal Family Orders Citizens To Leave U.K. Until Prince Charles Recovers
  The OnionThe Onion3/25/201 min
  0 reads0 comments
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  The Onion
  The Onion3/25/201 min
  0 reads
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