Great article. I once heard that when you are arguing with someone the person who feels most strongly will eventually win so try to figure that out and then let it go. I have used it a lot- exception might be if you have teen age kids.
This is a great heuristic. Probably adds a practical dimension to this: instead of a numerical show of hands, a gauge of passions in the room.
Adjacent to this point: I worked for someone who, whenever he needed his team to embark on a huge project would actually embed non-consequential things in the plan that would make the team have a stake in the project.
An example - building a client-side app: the core architecture may be inflexible, but he'd let the team debate on stacks, design systems, etc until everyone felt invested in the project.
Brilliant, what a great way to keep from debating decisions for the sake of arguing and actually making some progress on collaborative work. I'll be using this for sure!
Love this! I too enjoy a healthy debate and I like thinking things through out loud. But on most topics I don't feel so strongly one way or the other what the eventual outcome is. Now I have a way to communicate that.
I love this. Allows me arrive at a healthy middle. I used to find that I either cared strongly about a thing, or not at all. This sliding scale will allow me to care in a spectrum, which is. a more useful way to think about things.
Practical and useful!
Good team builders use something similar to this in making a group of people more cohesive. Recognizing the personal investment (or lack thereof) can help make things easier.
Now, if we find a person who is NEVER above a 5 and always down around 2 or 3, they may need a therapist...or a new team/job....
Seems wrong not to give this a 10
I like this idea a lot. My management responsibilities have recently ratcheted up to 11. Figuring out how to have others to make choices and take the responsibility (and let go myself) is now critical.
Good point. You have to pick your battles. Are you prepared to die on that mountain for what ever you are debating or does it really not matter?
This is really useful advice. I’m sure many people do this automatically in a way but it is a good idea to actually express it
Some things don’t actually matter; sometimes we just like to argue.
Do people actually keep count of this social currency of "letting it go"? I think I could do it, but it would be hard. Any thoughts on this?
Letting go of control is pretty difficult.