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    Zikoko! | 5/20/20 | 8 min
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    Zikoko!
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    • chrissetiana
      Top reader this weekReading streakScout
      2 weeks ago

      I hate being a housewife. I hate that I don’t even get to say it out loud because people will automatically think I hate being a mother.

      Ditto. I love my family and I know many others would want to be in my position, but the stagnancy that being a housewife brings truly kills identity and confidence faster than I can finish this sentence. It's frustrating to try to keep up with your house and career and not finding that balance. At least until after they've grown. It sucks big time.

      • SEnkey
        Top reader this weekScoutScribe
        2 weeks ago

        How do we help people understand this? How do we help men and husbands, girls and the not yet married or mothers get the reality of the situation?

        Related but different - I'm super sympathetic to not wanting to say 'what do you do for a living' because I think it is a set up for people to be diminished for what they do for work (often the least interesting thing about them). But when you ask someone 'what's your passion' or 'how do you stay busy' or some other awkward way of saying 'I want to know more about you but don't want to assume that you work or that your work is interesting' you get equally awkward looks back.

        Any help here?

        • Tonianni1 week ago

          Being a ‘housewife’ doesn’t equal stagnancy. Have we become so uncreative that only the corporate world appears to offer the only hope.

          The reality is that people need to learn gratitude and open their eyes to the beauty in their current situations. I was forced to be home due to illness. I’ve not regretted it one bit. I’m home all day but not watching tv or sleeping all day. I get to take care of my plants, neighbours dogs, do school runs for neighbours even after school care. There’s more time to plan a healthier lifestyle for husband and I, time to rest. All much more rewarding that being stuck 8hrs in a glass building. I also get to do my career from home in a flexible way. There’s so much opportunities.

          People should learn to be grateful & get creative

          • chrissetiana
            Top reader this weekReading streakScout
            1 week ago

            Not everyone has the same standards for how they see things. What is creative and progressive for one may not be the same for others. What works for you and makes you happy may not bring the same effect to me.

            Let's not even talk about gratitude because that is also a very subjective matter. Just because I am not satisfied with where I am at my life right now does not mean that I don't appreciate the people and things I have. Wanting to be better than what I am today does not equate to not being grateful.

            Awareness is key. Circumstances vary a lot. Being aware and empathetic of others' situation will go a long way in making us see that things are not as plain and blissful as we have or make it to be.

            • Tonianni1 week ago

              Good to know because this reads like a general statement “but the stagnancy that being a housewife brings truly kills identity and confidence...” My post says, nah.

    • Tonianni2 weeks ago

      Experiences like this break my heart, I thought I’d understand better when I get married but I still don’t. How do women get roped into situations like this? Why do we feel we have to explain our lives with labels to others? Also I don’t see an ounce of self awareness, self reflection in the article, women need to take some responsibility for how their lives turn out, things do not always just happen to us.

      • SEnkey
        Top reader this weekScoutScribe
        2 weeks ago

        What you say is very true. The difficulty is that the saying and the doing of something are rarely the same. A man says he will 'help' with the kids or support college, but when the time comes it is so much easier to not do it. A woman says she will continue to pursue a degree or career, but when the time comes it is so much harder to do it. There are those cases where it turns out, but they are exceptional not normal.

        The complexity makes it seem like something that happened versus something that was chosen because in truth the choices were made in a broader context that is just happening.

        • Tonianni1 week ago

          It doesn’t have to be complex. What I see is a lack of proper foundation / fundamentals.

          1. Character - Somehow society now believes having a choice is the only good. We have forgotten to teach people how to make good choices & decisions. The base of that is Character learning & forming. A person of character makes better judgements of people. If you aren’t a person of character there’s no way to recognise it in another. People just don’t change that drastically (esp having known them for 3yrs prior) before and after marriage. And even if a change occurred, a proper discussion & plan of action ensures continued progress.

          2. Proper vision of marriage- We have forgotten that although there are two people, they are building one marriage and one family. To make it successful, they both need to keep it as priority and do whatever it takes to succeed. The idea that a man is ‘helping’ with the kids is disgusting. They are his kids, he is bound to take care of them and if he doesn’t know that it’s because of my first point - lack of character.

          Good people need to take back the reins of education. This is not foolproof, people make mistakes even with the above, but the risks are lower.