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    • Pegeen
      Reading streakScoutScribe
      4 months ago

      I have suffered great losses in my lifetime. I have noticed and experienced what this author is speaking about - the discomfort of other’s in the presence of grief. Hence their wish for the person to “get over it” or “move on.” We, as a culture, don’t honor grief because it “takes too long” to feel all the layers, to process fully, to move through authentically. People say, “time heals” but they refuse to allow it to be your time frame, they want it on their schedule. Fortunately, those who have had losses learn first hand how to be a compassionate witness, to listen deeply, to be present without speaking, without judgement, without looking at their watch.

      • SEnkey
        Top reader this weekScoutScribe
        4 months ago

        Our culture (in the US) has become so uncomfortable with death and loss. We move the elderly out of sight and they all die behind hospital doors. I really noticed this when I lived in Paraguay for several years. There the dying are always with you. And sadly many of the dying are young, the infant and child mortality rate is much higher. Perhaps because of that they had more rituals around mourning. I think rituals help in the healing process (not that there needs to be a goal of being 'healed'). Rituals give our energy a place to go, and they give our heads a checklist to follow - there is comfort in tradition.

        I had a good friend Agapito. His family lived in a series of houses/huts inside a shared fence. His wife was old and couldn't talk, or walk, or feed herself. I'm not sure if she knew who she was or not, at times she would moan and other times she would shriek excitedly or laugh. Agapito cared for her, his children cared for her, his grandchildren cared for her. It was not easy, but I never doubted these people all loved her. I knew when I had been accepted as a close family friend when they asked if I could stay with her one afternoon while they all went to wedding. When she died everyone was sad. But they mourned in the way they had been taught and it brought them comfort. Agapito died not long after. My fondest memory is when he took me fishing and just sat smiling in the sun the whole time.

        That was a long story to say this. One of the granddaughters was dating a boy. She told me she liked him but that they wouldn't marry. I asked her how she knew when she was so young, after all she might change her mind in the years to come. She said she couldn't see herself loving him the way Agapito lover her grandma, and the way her uncle loved his wife, and her mom loved her dad (who was dead). And that was that.

        Our cultural denial of death has far reaching consequences, sometimes not being okay is perfectly okay.

        Sorry for the rant! I hadn't thought of them in too long and it all came spilling out.

        • Karenz
          Scribe
          4 months ago

          This is wonderful. Thanks for giving it expression.

        • bill
          Top reader of all timeScoutScribe
          4 months ago

          Enjoyed this just as much as the article itself, which I really loved.

        • Pegeen
          Reading streakScoutScribe
          4 months ago

          WOW, this is a spill that does not need to be cleaned up! What a gorgeous story. Thank you SO much for sharing. Is it not incredible how reading an article can prompt such a rich and meaningful memory? This is the power of story, which in many cultures is considered medicine. Your “medicine” went right to my heart and I carried it with me throughout my day. Thank you Readup for such a fabulous community. I encourage more sharing, it’s very moving, informative and makes me feel a part of something truly great.

      • SEnkey
        Top reader this weekScoutScribe
        4 months ago

        I loved what you said here - "listen deeply, to be present without speaking, without judgement, without looking at their watch." These are the best friends to have when in grief.

        • Pegeen
          Reading streakScoutScribe
          4 months ago

          I would say in life also! Being “sensitive” is a gift, it usually comes with compassion, kindness and understanding. Being overly sensitive is too much of a good thing. Then a person is easily offended and it’s an imbalance in their energy. I love people who feel deeply, they usually are not just “surface dwellers.” Therefore, conversations end up being enriching and profound exchanges - expansive. As always, thank you for sharing!

          • DellwoodBarker
            Top reader this weekReading streakScribe
            4 months ago

            🆙💎💠💎🆙

    • Jessica
      ScoutScribe
      4 months ago

      But we all know that’s not the truth if you live as we are subliminally told to live—with a full-time, demanding, and challenging career and a mortgage to pay, with a family to look after and a social life to uphold, with a strict routine that includes time for exercise, meal planning, and keeping your appearance aligned with what is currently deemed socially attractive, and with just enough spare time to mindlessly consume the latest Netflix drama.

    • Raven4 months ago

      Again the articles here somehow meet me halfway and lead me through the most relevant information that is immensely important for me to encounter. Thanks again everyone for providing this vessel for knowledge.