Great article! In the world of political compass memes centrists just want to grill. I always took this as mocking centrists as people who participate in trivial activities because they are oblivious to politics (and I'm pretty sure this is the way most people use it), but maybe instead people who have plenty of friends and enjoy spending time outside are just less likely to be political extremists. Either way, the trends towards friendlessness are very disturbing!
I often think about the study on loneliness being as lethal as smoking cigarettes. I appreciate reading about another aspect of loneliness, and how it can so painfully damage communities and sow extremism. Moments of exceptional loneliness tend to be paired with a desire for intense belonging.
Reading articles like this makes me think of the movie Contact (sorry, never read the book!) -- there's a part where Matthew McConaughey's preacher character asks the question, Are we any better off with all this tech, really?
The short answer: absolutely we are. More than anything else, technology has separated the humans from the animals. It's what's given us the ability to pass on knowledge (carvings on stone and onward). It's what has allowed us to feed and heal and grow our race to its current state.
But there's of course another short answer: absolutely we are not. Tech creates, and tech destroys. Facebook brings us together -- and pushes us apart. Motors bring us together -- and will destroy the planet.
In the end, it's all about the time span of existence. Lately I've been listening to the old podcast The History of Rome, and in the beginning I was very conscious of all the emperors and their deeds, but now, 110 episodes in, I'm content to just let the content flow over me like a river.
Nothing is forever. We're gonna be here until we're not. And you know, that's all right. That is the very definition of existence.
110 episodes! At least 4 of my high school years were filled with those icons, their reformations and their whimsies. Maybe time to revisit, long historical narratives are great! For Dutch-speaking people, this podcast about the Kingdom of Burgundy is excellent. Also, let's make motors better.
Are you implying that good or bad, tech is part of life, and life will end no matter what, so the opening question isn't that relevant?
I'm content to just let the content flow over me like a river.
An interesting topic; how/when/why to stop the river to take note, and to reflect on it later, or whether to just let it flow. In general, I tend to let fiction flow (and sometimes historical narrative too, like above), but I'm more conscious about non-fiction in general.
I still have another 69 episodes to go -- it's really a remarkable project (https://thehistoryofrome.typepad.com/) that Mike Duncan took on. I love that it's not fancy at all, just a straight telling. As someone who loathed history in school, I constantly find it amazing how much I enjoy it now. It really is a subject that needs an aged soul.
There's certainly no turning back on tech. I mean you can still take the Thoreau route, but that's only for those who can handle such off-the-grid-ness (both psychological and monetary). For the rest of us, social distancing is here to stay, with or without the virus.
All I know is that people are animals not machines, and the ersatz electronic communication is a poor and unhealthy substitute (and perhaps even worse than no communication at all, as it poses itself as a worthy alternative). More and more I think the future of healthy living is found through actual communities -- though that can also create monstrosities like The Villages.
Now I'll leave you with my favorite Schopenhauer quotes:
“The life of an individual is a constant struggle, and not merely a metaphorical one against want or boredom, but also an actual struggle against other people. He discovers adversaries everywhere, lives in continual conflict and dies with sword in hand.”
“If the immediate and direct purpose of our life is not suffering then our existence is the most ill-adapted to its purpose in the world.”
“Today it is bad, and day by day it will get worse―until at last the worst of all arrives.”
This Needs To Be Article of the Day. Feeling this a ton lately. Not for lack of trying or expressing - especially feeling rejected by local LGBTQ “friends”.
It's bad for the lonely, isolated individuals themselves, because having close ties to other people is strongly correlated with various markers of physical and mental health. Without such ties, individuals tend to grow unhappy and unhealthy and can even sink into depression.
I have actually been depressed over this the past 24 hours and cried. I get gaslighted even though I have attempted. I get held to past failures and areas of vulnerability and self-improvement that I am working on that the speaker hasn’t been around to see and the speaker always wants to know about my life to judge me yet rarely offer much in the way of her own life. Feels like a power play even though on some level I know she cares or she wouldn’t even bother still hanging with me even minimally for a short meal. I just feel like I am a quick “see you, see you later” and now she is hanging with another person I even suggested to her early on and both don’t even acknowledge me. Super frustrating. It makes me angry and then I don’t know how to adequately defend myself in words. So frustrating and painful. It is just a passing phase and state of emotion; though I have been hurting a lot due to this topic, personally.
Heavy. Thanks for sharing. Along with Pegeen, I'll keep you in my prayers and I wish you the best.
It sound like jealousy is mixed in with the frustration about being treated as "a quick 'see you, see you later,'" especially based on this remark:
and now she is hanging with another person I even suggested to her early on and both don't even acknowledge me.
Also, that doesn't fully jive with this:
on some level I know she cares or she wouldn’t even bother still hanging with me even minimally for a short meal.
If your friend is having a meal with you, she is acknowledging you. Don't discount that. If you feel like what you have is not enough, you'll squander it all. On the flip side, if you remember to treasure the small stuff, you'll see it bloom into big stuff.
Regardless, I think you are right (and wise!) to acknowledge that it's just a passing phase and state of emotion. Remember to forgive. Friends give friends space. Friends let friends make mistakes. And friends sure as heck help friends make more friends. So keep doing that without a second thought. Good luck out there.
No jealousy involved. If jealousy is involved I would have never wanted her and this other “friend” to meet in the first place.
If she really wanted to help me make more friends I would have been introduced to others in less stressful and exhausting environments and circumstances.
Just the way I see some of the statements within here. The rest of the comment rings legit.
The prayers and all are well appreciated.
There is a lot of confusion and crossed wires and misperceptions rippling through the community as a result of this clusterfuck with her. I can tell.
It is what it is. I still love and care for her even through all this.
I deeply appreciate you sharing this, Dellwood. Friendships can be difficult on our emotional lives, especially when we crave deeper, more wholehearted relationships with our friends while that depth doesn't seem to be reciprocated.
So sorry to hear of your distress Dellwood. I know you have many practices that you can do to help you navigate this difficult time. I will keep you in my prayers. I am wishing you the best.
Nice and concise! I like the distinction between online and offline relationships. Online is mental-only, more imaginative, and in groups it functions like single-topic pen-pal groups. Offline relationships have an important physical dimension that allow for deeper connection. I suppose it's a spectrum, and not a clear-cut as this, but still it seems a useful distinction.
Feeling part of a group or living through the highs in a friendship can be among the best feelings in life. I strangely often forget that, this is a good reminder :)
Interesting article. I can certainly see how isolation can breed conspiracies and hate groups on line. A place where people can be reactive, inflammatory, fuel discontent and feel part of a community - a movement. We certainly witnessed this during Covid and our election process.
Yes. We all have times where we say something out loud and someone is there to tell us...that sounds a little off. Most of the time these are innocent things. The other night we had friends over and one commented on cutting my hair (I had grown it long and cut it during the summer), I had an adverse reaction to this (nothing major) that I mentioned to my wife after they left. My wife's response: I don't think he meant anything by it, he was just saying nice hair cut. She's right of course, but when no one is around those crazy negative thoughts can fester. The truth is we need each other. We drive each other crazy, but we also keep each other sane.
Great article! In the world of political compass memes centrists just want to grill. I always took this as mocking centrists as people who participate in trivial activities because they are oblivious to politics (and I'm pretty sure this is the way most people use it), but maybe instead people who have plenty of friends and enjoy spending time outside are just less likely to be political extremists. Either way, the trends towards friendlessness are very disturbing!
lol, great meme (new to me) and great analysis. 🌞😎👍🍔
I would +1 this if I could.
You kinda just did. I also do this sometimes: 🆙
Serious gold. Thanks Jeff.
I often think about the study on loneliness being as lethal as smoking cigarettes. I appreciate reading about another aspect of loneliness, and how it can so painfully damage communities and sow extremism. Moments of exceptional loneliness tend to be paired with a desire for intense belonging.
Reading articles like this makes me think of the movie Contact (sorry, never read the book!) -- there's a part where Matthew McConaughey's preacher character asks the question, Are we any better off with all this tech, really?
The short answer: absolutely we are. More than anything else, technology has separated the humans from the animals. It's what's given us the ability to pass on knowledge (carvings on stone and onward). It's what has allowed us to feed and heal and grow our race to its current state.
But there's of course another short answer: absolutely we are not. Tech creates, and tech destroys. Facebook brings us together -- and pushes us apart. Motors bring us together -- and will destroy the planet.
In the end, it's all about the time span of existence. Lately I've been listening to the old podcast The History of Rome, and in the beginning I was very conscious of all the emperors and their deeds, but now, 110 episodes in, I'm content to just let the content flow over me like a river.
Nothing is forever. We're gonna be here until we're not. And you know, that's all right. That is the very definition of existence.
110 episodes! At least 4 of my high school years were filled with those icons, their reformations and their whimsies. Maybe time to revisit, long historical narratives are great! For Dutch-speaking people, this podcast about the Kingdom of Burgundy is excellent. Also, let's make motors better.
Are you implying that good or bad, tech is part of life, and life will end no matter what, so the opening question isn't that relevant?
An interesting topic; how/when/why to stop the river to take note, and to reflect on it later, or whether to just let it flow. In general, I tend to let fiction flow (and sometimes historical narrative too, like above), but I'm more conscious about non-fiction in general.
I still have another 69 episodes to go -- it's really a remarkable project (https://thehistoryofrome.typepad.com/) that Mike Duncan took on. I love that it's not fancy at all, just a straight telling. As someone who loathed history in school, I constantly find it amazing how much I enjoy it now. It really is a subject that needs an aged soul.
There's certainly no turning back on tech. I mean you can still take the Thoreau route, but that's only for those who can handle such off-the-grid-ness (both psychological and monetary). For the rest of us, social distancing is here to stay, with or without the virus.
All I know is that people are animals not machines, and the ersatz electronic communication is a poor and unhealthy substitute (and perhaps even worse than no communication at all, as it poses itself as a worthy alternative). More and more I think the future of healthy living is found through actual communities -- though that can also create monstrosities like The Villages.
Now I'll leave you with my favorite Schopenhauer quotes:
“The life of an individual is a constant struggle, and not merely a metaphorical one against want or boredom, but also an actual struggle against other people. He discovers adversaries everywhere, lives in continual conflict and dies with sword in hand.”
“If the immediate and direct purpose of our life is not suffering then our existence is the most ill-adapted to its purpose in the world.”
“Today it is bad, and day by day it will get worse―until at last the worst of all arrives.”
This Needs To Be Article of the Day. Feeling this a ton lately. Not for lack of trying or expressing - especially feeling rejected by local LGBTQ “friends”.
I have actually been depressed over this the past 24 hours and cried. I get gaslighted even though I have attempted. I get held to past failures and areas of vulnerability and self-improvement that I am working on that the speaker hasn’t been around to see and the speaker always wants to know about my life to judge me yet rarely offer much in the way of her own life. Feels like a power play even though on some level I know she cares or she wouldn’t even bother still hanging with me even minimally for a short meal. I just feel like I am a quick “see you, see you later” and now she is hanging with another person I even suggested to her early on and both don’t even acknowledge me. Super frustrating. It makes me angry and then I don’t know how to adequately defend myself in words. So frustrating and painful. It is just a passing phase and state of emotion; though I have been hurting a lot due to this topic, personally.
Heavy. Thanks for sharing. Along with Pegeen, I'll keep you in my prayers and I wish you the best.
It sound like jealousy is mixed in with the frustration about being treated as "a quick 'see you, see you later,'" especially based on this remark:
Also, that doesn't fully jive with this:
If your friend is having a meal with you, she is acknowledging you. Don't discount that. If you feel like what you have is not enough, you'll squander it all. On the flip side, if you remember to treasure the small stuff, you'll see it bloom into big stuff.
Regardless, I think you are right (and wise!) to acknowledge that it's just a passing phase and state of emotion. Remember to forgive. Friends give friends space. Friends let friends make mistakes. And friends sure as heck help friends make more friends. So keep doing that without a second thought. Good luck out there.
Read this comment yesterday, revisiting today. It's a beautiful one! Good thoughts to be reminded of.
No jealousy involved. If jealousy is involved I would have never wanted her and this other “friend” to meet in the first place.
If she really wanted to help me make more friends I would have been introduced to others in less stressful and exhausting environments and circumstances.
Just the way I see some of the statements within here. The rest of the comment rings legit.
The prayers and all are well appreciated.
There is a lot of confusion and crossed wires and misperceptions rippling through the community as a result of this clusterfuck with her. I can tell.
It is what it is. I still love and care for her even through all this.
I deeply appreciate you sharing this, Dellwood. Friendships can be difficult on our emotional lives, especially when we crave deeper, more wholehearted relationships with our friends while that depth doesn't seem to be reciprocated.
I am rooting for you through and through.
Thank you, Jessica. Been watching The Last Airbender series and the messages are deeply helping. Will persevere and keep moving forward.
So sorry to hear of your distress Dellwood. I know you have many practices that you can do to help you navigate this difficult time. I will keep you in my prayers. I am wishing you the best.
Much appreciated and yes, my practices and routines are way off balance and center with all the chaos abounding these days.
Nice and concise! I like the distinction between online and offline relationships. Online is mental-only, more imaginative, and in groups it functions like single-topic pen-pal groups. Offline relationships have an important physical dimension that allow for deeper connection. I suppose it's a spectrum, and not a clear-cut as this, but still it seems a useful distinction.
Feeling part of a group or living through the highs in a friendship can be among the best feelings in life. I strangely often forget that, this is a good reminder :)
Interesting article. I can certainly see how isolation can breed conspiracies and hate groups on line. A place where people can be reactive, inflammatory, fuel discontent and feel part of a community - a movement. We certainly witnessed this during Covid and our election process.
Yes. We all have times where we say something out loud and someone is there to tell us...that sounds a little off. Most of the time these are innocent things. The other night we had friends over and one commented on cutting my hair (I had grown it long and cut it during the summer), I had an adverse reaction to this (nothing major) that I mentioned to my wife after they left. My wife's response: I don't think he meant anything by it, he was just saying nice hair cut. She's right of course, but when no one is around those crazy negative thoughts can fester. The truth is we need each other. We drive each other crazy, but we also keep each other sane.