From him I have learned that there are optimal ways to be inside your own body and mind, though my own seems to reject all attempts at amelioration.
He wants the intimacy of a relationship but without ceding control, or having to actually think or care about the other person. Giving me a key to his apartment is throwing a curveball into how I understand our situation. I try to remain neutral; I can’t process this right now, so I won’t.