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    Medium | Refinery29 UK | 2/12/20 | 8 min
    41 reads23 comments
    7.2
    Medium
    41 reads
    7.2
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    • bill
      Top reader of all timeScoutScribe
      5 months ago

      Wait wait wait. I seriously don’t understand. I read it twice, thinking surely it’s parody. Because if Daygaming was real (is it?) surely women would rejoice.

      In the title, why is ‘attract amazing women’ in quotes?

      • BillEnkey4 months ago

        Maybe I just don't get what is going on here; the way I see it, guys want to meet gals and vice versa. There may be "trends" and new "games" and what not, but it's all the same; the guys who want to rack up "numbers" will do it no matter the approach. Whether it's a bar or "Day gaming" or whatever approach, guys should have the decency to let the lady make her choice. On the other side, why aren't ladies trying to get out there and meet guys? Does the feminine side have their version of day gaming? Just wondering what the balance is.

      • Jessica4 months ago

        No! There have been way too many encounters women have had where we are unsafe and incredibly threatened from strangers on the street approaching us and not leaving us alone even if we made it clear that we will not engage. The physical environment and situation is so important. Context is important.

      • Karenz5 months ago

        Dear God, Bill, why would women rejoice at being gamed?! Mutual flirting in a social situation is fine but a stranger approaching you on the street with not necessarily the most honest motives—that’s creepy—in my opinion.

        • Jessica4 months ago

          Upvote upvote! and I agree 100%

    • joshw5 months ago

      everyone should hear about this. men should have to prove they aren’t creepy to get a woman to even say hello back. this just shows how little empathy many men have. this was so gross to read. how does making women uncomfortable give you confidence?! who cares about your fucking stats?? this locker room chit chat is atrocious. i’m glad it’s on the internet now so we can all read about it and know to question the motives of all men instead of starting off by assuming they are romantic. yeesh.

      • Florian
        Reading streakScribe
        5 months ago

        Agreed. This whole “planned approaching in order to get laid during the day” thing sounds like harassment to me. I felt disgusting reading it

        • bill
          Top reader of all timeScoutScribe
          5 months ago

          So no flirting with total strangers? Under any circumstances? Or just no strategizing about it? Or no debriefing afterwards online? Guys shouldn’t put themselves out there if it’s just to get lucky? I have a million questions, but basically I just want to understand what makes this so bad?

          • joshw5 months ago

            you’re overthinking it, bill. are you a good person? if yes, then just don’t worry about this article. ask your friends if they think you’re a good person. if they do, ask yourself if you had to manipulate them in order to get them to think that. if you have to manipulate people in order to be liked, then you’re just not a good person. good people like other good people. and those people all not being manipulative to each other is the perfect context for strangers meeting in public and feeling attraction and possibly something good comes out of it for two good people. but if a person is following a script that specifically calls for words and timing and actions that make the other person feel they are obligated to stay so it’s not rude, that’s manipulative. and a good person doesn’t need manipulation in order to be liked by another good person. so if this is something you’re worried about, just go be good, and want to be with someone good. good things will happen to you. if you aren’t good or don’t care about being with someone good, then you’re probably already okay with manipulating people in order to get what you want, and it doesn’t matter if someone writes and article about people like that because you don’t care. all these questions about what exactly you can or can’t do is just making it seem like you aren’t sure what you can get away with. and that’s something that people generally find to be creepy and manipulative approach, esp when it comes to finding someone to be close to and with whom you may try to build a relationship with. if it’s just casual sex that’s wanted, there are places for that already like Tinder, where everyone knows what the context is. again, this is all just my opinion of how one should contextualize a response to this article and whether or not they are feeing defensive for some reason when reading it. and as always: when in doubt, try empathy.

            good day.

          • Florian
            Reading streakScribe
            5 months ago

            This is my view: If you genuinely feel drawn to a person and find a way to express that... awesome! If you do it to every second person on the street based on a script you got taught online with the intentions to you your score.. that’s disrespectful. You’re using females emotions for your need to show off how sexually successful you are. PS: I’m biased because of my job where I see online sexual harassment on a daily basis. There are some creepy people out there

            • Karenz5 months ago

              This is a very good explanation!

    • jbuchana
      Scribe
      5 months ago

      Making a game out of meeting people and keeping stats is just plain creepy.

    • sunday5 months ago

      I approach women fairly regularly. I don't keep stats. I don't have a routine. I don't even call it "daygame." But I like meeting women in person and having a natural conversation with them.

      I've dated women from this, and while there have obviously been awkward interactions (awkward interactions are the norm for any and all socialization), most women are appreciative and many end up thanking me, even encouraging me to "keep doing this."

      There seems to be a question of authenticity, which I understand. My intentions are simply to meet a woman I would like to get to know. I'm not offering some grand romantic fantasy. If it goes to a first date? I still don't set expectations for sex or romance because, well, it's just a date. You see where it goes.

      There are absolutely problematic men in this. I'd say the vast majority. Beyond the stats and routines, there's the lingo ("I saw a target"), the lack of authenticity ("I don't really care what she does, but I pretended to") and just the general lack of self-awareness.

      Many men daygame to improve their social standing when, in reality, this should only be done by people with already decent social skills (so they aren't relying on routines).

      That said, this has improved my social skills. Now, I don't just start conversations with women. I start them with people I find interesting. This has helped me a lot when I've travelled solo and I've even made professional connections. For me, this is just a different avenue to meet people and the idea of "daygame" has only helped so much as showing an introverted 20-something that you can do this and people will respond.

      • Karenz5 months ago

        They likely respond because you’re not a creep and you have genuine motives. Who wants to take any time with a gamer?

        • sunday5 months ago

          I looked at a couple of your comments. When you say "gaming," do you mean the stats and figures – this many approaches, numbers, kisses? I'm just trying to understand if those are the motives that are really creeping you out about this.

          • Karenz5 months ago

            To me, it’s about what the person approaching the woman has in mind. If they’re genuinely interested in meeting someone and wanting to be interested in that person, then that’s not a game to me. I don’t think just wanting to “score” is harmless in terms of how it could emotionally effect the other person. Gaming is predatory to me in this context. If both people just want to play, fine, but that should be up front and not manipulative.

            • sunday5 months ago

              Fair points. I do think many responses to daygame are a quick to demonize the notion of casual dating and casual sex. That makes it hard to have a conversation about manipulation and being up front.

    • BetSheWet5 months ago

      Couldn’t tell if this was satire or not? Nothing wrong with picking up women around NYC. I prefer no club since it’s economic. If you’re successfully at it, then you’re obviously not creeping. If you’re not, then quit creeping and git good Picking up the women-no becoming friends with a random human- in daylight while sober isn’t the easiest. No shame in these folks trying

      • sunday5 months ago

        Two responses to this from someone who does approach women

        git good

        This requires a lot of trial and error. And honestly, all socializing requires trial and error. We aren't born learning how to make friends, be parents, maintain successful romantic relationship, network, etc. Unfortunately, think pieces and hot takes love to overlook this fact.

        So if guys do attempt to get good at meeting women, that means loads of awkward dudes bugging women in public. Alternatively, they could upgrade their social skills with friends and family. But most will take a more direct route.

        Picking up the women-no becoming friends with a random human

        Both are important things and difficult skills. But they aren't the same. If I meet a woman in public and want to go on a date with her, I'm telling her that.

    • vunderkind
      Top reader this weekScoutScribe
      5 months ago

      So creepy. Feels like the kind of thing that'll be big in incel communities.

      • Karenz5 months ago

        What’s an incel community?

    • Kiki5 months ago

      It never ceases to amaze me where some people will put their energy and focus to make a buck or have sex. Ladies beware. Yuck!!

    • Florian
      Reading streakScribe
      5 months ago

      I hope a lot of women read this so they are aware of the creepy technique some disgusting men use to get laid.