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  1. hummingverbs4/24/216 min
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    hummingverbs
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    • Florian2 years ago

      This is so heavy to read but I think for many this can also be quite inspiring. It’s the beginning of a healing process.

      • DellwoodBarker2 years ago

        Thank you for reading, Florian, and a Huge Hearty Yes to the healing process. Getting this out from the inside is tremendously cathartic.

    • DellwoodBarker2 years ago

      I am Giving This One a 10...

      For You. Because You Are. And Always Will Be a Memorable and Cherished former lover and friend.

      You brought so much into my life. It is hard to let you go and yet I feel adequate in doing so at the close of this. I will miss your kisses and compatible body and that silly glorious Buddha grin I adore when you are content after a satisfying sexual session. I will miss your tickling me and the few memorable date nights we shared. I will miss your amazing property; your visitors are in for such a treat this summer and beyond. I will miss your lightness and the fun lilt in your voice when you are excited/anxious and your terms of endearment. Speaking True-True; I’ve never known anyone like you and hoped this would extend longer.

      I officially close the door on our physical and emotional cab ride. With the slight thump as it closes and I turn towards manifesting the next Friend & Lover; I officially relegate our diminishing ember of connection to the invisible; pretend-we-don’t-really-know-one-another online fake ness and the brief moments I will see your bright sunshine driving by in town no longer making my heart swell. If we cross paths at the Farmers Market with new lovers we will nod and understand without jealousy nor envy; just a simple acceptance that this is the way our cookie crumbled.

      and now with a final tear down my cheek…

      thump

      and all the past 5-6 months simply

      poof

      now vapor; Now Transformed; Now Let Go; Now moving on.

      I Love you, Cowboy Like Me. Always – now say it with me in unison –

      “Forever Is The Sweetest Con”

      hummingverbs.wordpress.com

      • Jessica2 years ago

        Dellwood, I can feel the pain, wisdom, and deep love that flows through in your writing. I empathize deeply and am grateful for you sharing 🙏 Recently, I have been nursing heartbreak myself. It was the first time I had fully felt safe and seen with someone I was seeing romantically, and now the fear that I may never feel that same safety with another person invades my mind from time to time. Our time together was short but intensely precious; the wound is deeper than it is wide. I sometimes question if the sense of safety I felt was false and mistaken for something else.

        In closing, I still believe in you. Always. This will never change nor fade. As an invisible face in a crowd of least importance to you I will still be a cheering you on and celebrating your victories. Just a hidden nobody.

        • DellwoodBarker2 years ago

          Thank you for sharing your parallel vulnerability. Much appreciated. Jessica. I feel a kindred spirituality in the articles and themes you share. May you feel safe and as we both cultivate ourselves with kindness and compassion in the wake of our closures...May we look forward and not back...and begin manifesting and asking for what we want more clearly. I have learned Open is the potential to mean more extreme to others than I was imagining when I held this vision. Now I am discovering new healthier boundaries.

          I feel good. Refreshed. Clearer. I need to allow people around me to know I am going through heartbreak and may need a little support. “Hope my tears don’t freak you out” in public kind of support.

          Music is therapy. Kacey Musgraves is my Faerie Goddess and she is helping with Golden Hour.

          Big hugs. When I feel I need one I will close my eyes and imagine you and feel free to do the same.

          In Lightness of Being, Hummingbird/Dellwood

          P.s. Writing this lifted a Major Weight. Highly Recommended; whether shared or not.

          💓

          • Jessica2 years ago

            Thank you, Dellwood 💙 I too feel kindred connection with a lot of the reads we share, and with your writing. It’s a special and sacred space to have here on Readup, especially amid the fire dumpster the internet tends to be.

            Hugs right back to you, too.

            May we look forward and not back...and begin manifesting and asking for what we want more clearly.

            Amen to that. 🙏