An angle I’m interested in understanding is why this expectation for women to be warm exists.
I hope someone explores it because I don’t think that men all over the corporate world got together and said “Hey we must expect women to be warm!” Yes bros! Let’s do it”
I'm not even convinced it's just men, I have noticed myself do it and had to check my assumptions. If I work with a woman and they are curt or really straightforward it feels intense. I have to remind myself that she isn't mean, or judging me, she's just getting down to business. I don't always have that response to men, it's just what I expect of them.
We're socialized to see females as nurturing characters so I have a sense its a really deep, cultural thing with how we socialize people to see women.
Ok, if it’s so widespread we can’t just peg it down to socialisation. You have reminded me of the nurture aspect which makes sense due to a woman’s biology. So it’s not far fetched to expect different things from men and women given their innate difference.
I personally have not expected a woman to be warm per se, understanding, yes but not In a chummy way (feels fake to me).
I am not feeling warm but I am feeling confident when I say this double standard is pure bullshit! This so smells of the same crap as competent /confident women are bitches. Grow up and stop looking for your mommy!!!
I think you are right about people, both men and women, when you say “Grow up and stop looking for your mommy.” I think we as a society have in the twentieth and twenty first century been lacking in the level of nurturing that we received as children and in adulthood are still looking for it. I think that it’s understandable to be looking for that warmth from women because they are physically and traditionally the providers of care in the early years of life. Both men and women have been evaluated by their competence ;however, mens roles as provider didn’t require warmth only it required results. Looking forward we’re all going to be challenged to adapt to the new paradigms of “Provider and Caregiver” I think Alexa is right about it not being just men who use this metric to evaluate others, we all have a responsibility to fill the voids in ourselves in healthy ways. I know I’m still looking for the care I missed when I was young.
Raven, your comment is beautiful and compassionate - thank you! So much is changing and I feel confident it will be for the best in our evolutionary development. I love that you bring forth the idea that “we all have a responsibility to fill the voids in ourselves in healthy ways.”
Thank you Alexa! I responded immediately after reading that article before allowing myself to calm down. It was raw. But I have this overall, deep knowing that my discontent, my deep sadness, anger and frustration is part of the unveiling of the overall pervasive ugliness that began with the #MeToo Movement, was allowed to be deeply examined/felt during the Covid 19 sheltering in place and now re-experienced with the racist killing of George Floyd. I know radical changes are upon us with all this death, pain and suffering. It has taken a deadly global virus, natural disasters like floods and fires and now global rioting to force an awakening. I trust there will be a lot of good in the rebirth of our world but what a steep price to pay!
Well, awareness of the problem is the first step. For example, after reading Kahneman's Thinking, Fast & Slow and gaining names for certain biases of the mind I've been spotting them in myself and others.
Concretely, a CEO reading this could install some kind of reminder of this information just before managers start a performance review? It might help something. But as that book said I believe, being made aware even right before a judgement event won't eliminate all bias.
An angle I’m interested in understanding is why this expectation for women to be warm exists.
I hope someone explores it because I don’t think that men all over the corporate world got together and said “Hey we must expect women to be warm!” Yes bros! Let’s do it”
I'm not even convinced it's just men, I have noticed myself do it and had to check my assumptions. If I work with a woman and they are curt or really straightforward it feels intense. I have to remind myself that she isn't mean, or judging me, she's just getting down to business. I don't always have that response to men, it's just what I expect of them.
We're socialized to see females as nurturing characters so I have a sense its a really deep, cultural thing with how we socialize people to see women.
Ok, if it’s so widespread we can’t just peg it down to socialisation. You have reminded me of the nurture aspect which makes sense due to a woman’s biology. So it’s not far fetched to expect different things from men and women given their innate difference.
I personally have not expected a woman to be warm per se, understanding, yes but not In a chummy way (feels fake to me).
Yea good point. I personally am not a nurturing woman, so there’s defo some holes in the theory.
I am not feeling warm but I am feeling confident when I say this double standard is pure bullshit! This so smells of the same crap as competent /confident women are bitches. Grow up and stop looking for your mommy!!!
I think you are right about people, both men and women, when you say “Grow up and stop looking for your mommy.” I think we as a society have in the twentieth and twenty first century been lacking in the level of nurturing that we received as children and in adulthood are still looking for it. I think that it’s understandable to be looking for that warmth from women because they are physically and traditionally the providers of care in the early years of life. Both men and women have been evaluated by their competence ;however, mens roles as provider didn’t require warmth only it required results. Looking forward we’re all going to be challenged to adapt to the new paradigms of “Provider and Caregiver” I think Alexa is right about it not being just men who use this metric to evaluate others, we all have a responsibility to fill the voids in ourselves in healthy ways. I know I’m still looking for the care I missed when I was young.
Raven, your comment is beautiful and compassionate - thank you! So much is changing and I feel confident it will be for the best in our evolutionary development. I love that you bring forth the idea that “we all have a responsibility to fill the voids in ourselves in healthy ways.”
PREACH. Uf, with you 100%
Thank you Alexa! I responded immediately after reading that article before allowing myself to calm down. It was raw. But I have this overall, deep knowing that my discontent, my deep sadness, anger and frustration is part of the unveiling of the overall pervasive ugliness that began with the #MeToo Movement, was allowed to be deeply examined/felt during the Covid 19 sheltering in place and now re-experienced with the racist killing of George Floyd. I know radical changes are upon us with all this death, pain and suffering. It has taken a deadly global virus, natural disasters like floods and fires and now global rioting to force an awakening. I trust there will be a lot of good in the rebirth of our world but what a steep price to pay!
Well, awareness of the problem is the first step. For example, after reading Kahneman's Thinking, Fast & Slow and gaining names for certain biases of the mind I've been spotting them in myself and others.
Concretely, a CEO reading this could install some kind of reminder of this information just before managers start a performance review? It might help something. But as that book said I believe, being made aware even right before a judgement event won't eliminate all bias.
So, a boost for this article!
Oh...this. I saw this study referenced in that book All The Rage.
It's so fascinating and, like Pegeen, this leaves me feeling in no way warm and cozy.
It's absolute garbage. UGH. I have been called a "little bitch" at the office before, so this hits home. The double standards got to go.