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  1. Harvard Business Review10/24/179 min
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    Harvard Business Review
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    • chrissetiana
      Top reader of all time
      3 years ago

      They didn’t listen — because they didn’t think they had to.

      The root cause of most problems in any type of relationship.

    • bill
      Top reader of all time
      6 years ago

      I think I agree with the overall premise -- that greater gender equality improves marriages, companies, the world. And that we're in the middle of a "half-baked transition" with respect to the rise of women. These are the strongest anecdotes:

      [Men] are happy to have successful, high-earning wives. They applaud and support them — until it starts to interfere with their own careers.

      As one woman put it, “He has always said to me, ‘You can do whatever you want to do.’ But he’s not there to pick up any load."

      The HBS survey did not surprise me: "More than half the men expected their careers to take precedence over their wives’ careers, while most women expected egalitarian marriages." It's important to remember that HBS is a gathering place for the world's richest people, children of the world's richest people, and/or people who will become the world's richest people. This is not a snapshot of society. These people, both men and women, are way more likely to prioritize career over family and/or artistic/creative endeavors. And also important to note that not everyone at HBS is in a relationship with someone else at HBS. Meaning, the men might be right - their careers will take precedent. And those women might ALSO be right - they will have more egalitarian marriages.

      This survey makes it sound like the men are selfish and the women are deluded, but I doubt that that's the case. I think it's actually a lot of people getting what they want. It's just different strokes for different folks - a snapshot of how the wealthiest early career people are making decisions right now.

      Imagine a hypothetical husband and wife who are both 50/50 on work/home preference. So he's like "I'm down to work and/or down to stay home" and she's like, "I'm also down to work and/or down to stay home." Shouldn't they both prioritize the man's work since, as the author says, "Men get more opportunities to earn more, and it gets harder and harder for women to catch up." ? Is that logic flawed? Am I oversimplifying?

      • erica6 years ago

        Really? The hypothetical couple should both prioritize the man's work because men get paid more than women? Wouldn't that just be accepting gender inequality? We have to challenge injustice!

        • bill
          Top reader of all time
          6 years ago

          Injustice exists in society and people and individuals have to make decisions within those parameters. It's like choosing where to live. It might be more "just" to live in a certain lower-income area, but, at the end of the day, you also want good schools for your kids and a safe neighborhood, etc. Fighting injustice is fundamentally good. But when people choose to make decisions that benefit themselves and their families, they shouldn't be judged/shamed for that. Thoughts?

          • erica6 years ago

            I would never judge or shame anyone for a personal decision they make about their family, especially when it's about who should work and who should stay at home. I'm just saying it's not right to say families should prioritize the man's work since men have more opportunities. That's like saying, in an interracial couple, the white person should work and the black person should stay home because on average white people make more money than black people. Like, what??

            • bill
              Top reader of all time
              6 years ago

              An important part of my hypothetical is that both individuals in the couple are perfectly happy staying at home. I definitely do not think that families "should prioritize the man's work." I was referring to the HBS survey and suggesting that the situation at HBS might not be as negative as the article makes it seem. I'm suggesting that all parties involved (the men who prioritize their own careers and their wives, in addition to the female students and their husbands who have more equal relationships.) These people might all be living their dreams!

            • jeff6 years ago

              OK, enough with all this individualism nonsense. You’re speaking as if people can set goals and make decisions for themselves and their family independent of their natural identity. I don’t know where you’re getting such crazy ideas from. The proper course of action is to resign yourself to a state of perpetual victimhood until the statistics from the Ministry of Equality say otherwise.

    • jeff6 years ago

      Ignore your partner’s dreams at your peril.

      Illuminating. Saved you eight minutes.