His life must have been so agonizing, lonely and terrifying. I carry my own darkness within, that is sometimes soul-crashing but compared to this... I'm glad that I know I can talk to people and know people that I fee I can trust.
This also reminds me once again, how important it is, how we act and talk with kids and young adults - our own and others. Many of them carry so much pain and feel that they need to hide it.
Many of them carry so much pain and feel that they need to hide it.
If he published this as an essay, online, instead of a suicide note, there would have been an outpouring of recognition and support, that could have possibly fueled a recovery. He shouldn’t have shaken off the importance of talking through this stuff with other people. Damn. I kept thinking, you should have just read and wrote it all out, man!
I can’t believe the way you plow through books. It’s insane. I’d love to see your book completes in your Readup timeline. Are you on Goodreads? Or do you keep a list somewhere?
It is insane haha, helps to not own a TV or use screens after work...I don't usually keep track bc I honestly don't know the easiest way to do that when I finish a book every day or so...I'm wretched at keeping up with logging stuff, feels too much like paperwork.
Now that I've switched to getting my books from the library they do keep track 🤔 maybe one day I need to sit down and list a bunch from the last year
Or wait until a time when you can get a hug from someone you’re not quarantined with. This is a really tough read but I agree it might help us be more empathetic to what people carry. I’m going for a walk.
I had to google to find out who Bill Zeller was. There’s no way to characterize this. It has to be read in its entirety as Zeller requested then absorbed and sat with. He does an incredible job of explaining why he couldn’t continue to live. How could you if you couldn’t confide in or trust anyone? We humans are pack animals and truly cannot carry this much anguish alone. This is profound. Thanks for posting, Jeff. This is the kind of sharing that makes Readup invaluable.
Agonizing, indeed. This is a very heavy, disturbing read but I think it provides an important window into the unimaginable torment that some people carry with them.
I think it would be difficult to read any time but now when it’s starkly obvious how alone some of us are that have problems making social connections and are thus quarantined for an indefinite time, it was tough to get through. I guess in that sense we are not as alone as we think.
Thank you Readup and Jeff for posting this. Its importance can not be overstated. By all of us bearing witness, perhaps this young man’s life will have an impact that is very much needed in today’s self absorbed world. Perspective is important and Bill Zeller gave us one of unimaginable pain, isolation, despair, shame, guilt, rage - a tsunami of suffering. It’s imperative to not only read this but to remember it. To carry it with you. To allow it to change you.
Ooof. speechless
Time to Process.
One complimentary (related) post read and then breaking for afternoon.
Rough. Real. Raw.
There is so much to take from Bills last words.
His life must have been so agonizing, lonely and terrifying. I carry my own darkness within, that is sometimes soul-crashing but compared to this... I'm glad that I know I can talk to people and know people that I fee I can trust.
This also reminds me once again, how important it is, how we act and talk with kids and young adults - our own and others. Many of them carry so much pain and feel that they need to hide it.
I'm glad that I had an opportunity to read it.
If he published this as an essay, online, instead of a suicide note, there would have been an outpouring of recognition and support, that could have possibly fueled a recovery. He shouldn’t have shaken off the importance of talking through this stuff with other people. Damn. I kept thinking, you should have just read and wrote it all out, man!
💗⬆️ This ⬆️💗
Holy cow, this is definitely heavy but a very valuable read.
I just finished Sigrid Nunez's book The Friend last night, a tale of processing a beloved mentors suicide. The timing couldn't have been more apropos.
I can’t believe the way you plow through books. It’s insane. I’d love to see your book completes in your Readup timeline. Are you on Goodreads? Or do you keep a list somewhere?
It is insane haha, helps to not own a TV or use screens after work...I don't usually keep track bc I honestly don't know the easiest way to do that when I finish a book every day or so...I'm wretched at keeping up with logging stuff, feels too much like paperwork.
Now that I've switched to getting my books from the library they do keep track 🤔 maybe one day I need to sit down and list a bunch from the last year
So next level
Read this.
If you don’t have time right now, star it for later, when you have more time, but just make sure you read it.
And budget an extra 15 or 20 minutes afterwards to process - take a walk, breathe, sit, whatever.
Or wait until a time when you can get a hug from someone you’re not quarantined with. This is a really tough read but I agree it might help us be more empathetic to what people carry. I’m going for a walk.
I had to google to find out who Bill Zeller was. There’s no way to characterize this. It has to be read in its entirety as Zeller requested then absorbed and sat with. He does an incredible job of explaining why he couldn’t continue to live. How could you if you couldn’t confide in or trust anyone? We humans are pack animals and truly cannot carry this much anguish alone. This is profound. Thanks for posting, Jeff. This is the kind of sharing that makes Readup invaluable.
I see...
Elaborate, homie.
Agonizing, indeed. This is a very heavy, disturbing read but I think it provides an important window into the unimaginable torment that some people carry with them.
Holy shit. Where did you find this?
Buried in a thread on reddit. I don't even remember the context. I had it starred for a long time but was avoiding reading it.
I think it would be difficult to read any time but now when it’s starkly obvious how alone some of us are that have problems making social connections and are thus quarantined for an indefinite time, it was tough to get through. I guess in that sense we are not as alone as we think.
I need time to process this but I am glad I read it.
Thank you Readup and Jeff for posting this. Its importance can not be overstated. By all of us bearing witness, perhaps this young man’s life will have an impact that is very much needed in today’s self absorbed world. Perspective is important and Bill Zeller gave us one of unimaginable pain, isolation, despair, shame, guilt, rage - a tsunami of suffering. It’s imperative to not only read this but to remember it. To carry it with you. To allow it to change you.
Maybe save this for a different time. It’s a sad story but worth reading.